Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
