I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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