talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
