She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
