I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
