I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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