remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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