Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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