Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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