I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
