Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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