I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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