you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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