I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My liver just broke up with me...
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Can I color on your dick again?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
