So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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