i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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