You're completely useless in the revolution.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
