I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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