Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
