she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
