Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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