using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Randomize
