What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
