I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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