sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
