I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
