My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
