I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
