im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
