forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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