i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
why is half of my head shaved?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
