you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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