I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
