I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize