I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
