i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
