I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize