so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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