Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize