ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
