If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
the raccoons are back...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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