I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
