You can't motorboat a personality
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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