You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
