There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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