well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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