I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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