I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
