you will always have a special place in my vag
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
