the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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