Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
