i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
