No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
