stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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