eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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