I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
