We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize