but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize