i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
