My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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