you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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