ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
