she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We got so high we made milksteak
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
