"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
