then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize