Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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