I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
