She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize