And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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