Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
