3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
